Cascading Shadows

Different. That's how you and me are.

As different as the Sun and the Moon.

& unlike you, I won't shine.

The World.

We all have heard of stories of people giving up on themselves, end up jumping of a cliff or tying a rope around their neck which is known as suicide. Strange thing is, when the one who committed the action dies, and the people who knows him/her are most of the time surprised, shocked.

Most of the time people say.

"I thought there was nothing wrong - She was always a happy child!"

"He had everything others wanted. So why did he throw it all away?"

"She was the one everyone loved most. So why did she...?"

"He was the person I looked up to most."

And maybe even more. What has the world come to, really? One gets so good at acting, no one notices the mask. People smile, but that doesn't mean they're happy. And just because you're not crying, it doesn't mean you're not hurting.

In the end, how much do you know someone anyway?

In this world of today, is everyone expressing themselves truly? Or is everyone just unhappy and tired of pretending? Maybe this is just a world full of lies where everyone has succumb to. The mask of deception stuck on so tight, it's hard to take it off after all these times.

Everyone deserves to be happy, no matter what past they hold.

Let me be the one.

I want to be compassionate. To give till I'm left with nothing. And yet to still give. In this cruel ugly world, I have come across many marvelous people I would like to keep happy. Something keeps breaking them apart, one by one, slowly but surely. And I think I know why. And maybe I can help alleviate with that.

Maybe. If I can't possess what I'm longing for, maybe it was meant for other people. Everyone craves acceptance. If I can give that, I should. It isn't a matter of giving and receiving to me. I'm fine if I don't end up ever getting what I want. I don't need it right?

I want to keep the ones important to me happy. Let me be the one. Let me be the edge that keeps everything intact. And I'll be the one to break everything apart when it's called for.

You just had to, didn't you.

Through the fifteen years of my life these I have come to know.

Lines don't always run straight.

The truth hurts.

Poems don't always rhyme.

Some songs don't have a tune.

Promises aren't always kept.

People lie when they swore they never will.

Life isn't fair.

Behind Efforts.

Every time when I have something to say, I usually just hold it back anyway. Whether it's a good or bad statement. & now, look what have I become.

I've bottled up so much I've turned speechless.

Hearty Household

If the heart is a house, relationship would be the door.

An open hearty house is one which the person gladly welcomes the people in, having a merry time. But then, with this naive and innocent outlook, one tends to get hurt. Sometimes, the door of relationship is scarred, or maybe even carved on, causing one to slightly pull the door closer and not so open.

But still, there's a chance to prove the host's point of view wrong. But the person is probably already more narrow-minded, so be careful with what you say or you'll leave another scar for the host to remember. And one more scar could mean a lot worse.

When one is traumatized with an event that happened with a previous person, the host could do something out of emotional hurt. The host might close the door of relationship tightly shut, lock the door and throw away the key into the darkest depths of the sea. And even if you try to break the barrier down, sometimes, you've just have to realize you've lost them. Leaving you, as a friend or a family member, unable to connect and communicate with them.

However, locking the door could have benefits. Maybe if you have found the happiness and the love of your life, you could live a content, blissful and secure life. No one could break down the door, and you are happy with what you have in the house. You need not to ever leave your comfort zone, for you could have all you ever wanted.

Well, that's just how I see it. Which side of the door are you on people's hearts today?

Equality

Somehow I've always felt things must be balanced, equal and all.

I have this sick, twisted thinking that there's no way everyone can be happy at the same time.

So whenever your sad and gloomy, remember that at least someone took your place, and smiled instead of you.

Let Go

Maybe after all these internal battles, I can one day put down this heavy sword.

Maybe when I leave it, I can get it to stain and rust.

Maybe one day I wouldn't need to cringe in horror during my attempts to call myself beautiful.

I can't wait.

Or so it was said.

One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.

Hmm. I guess it doesn't apply the same way for everyone. But it's okay. At least I know He will always accept me :')

You.

Someone is always going to be more athletic.

Someone is always going to be more good-looking.

Someone is always going to be more intelligent.

Someone is always going to be more popular.

Someone is always going to be more wanted.

Someone is always going to be more -

Oit. Stop there. If that is what you all think,

Then why not make that someone, you? :)

Inner Desire.

 

 People have a tons of wishes. 

Of all widest imaginations. 

But all I ask of,

 is to be genuinely happy.

Is that too much to wish for? :\

Your Attachment

Maybe we're like pieces of cloth, maybe some are velvet or plain cotton. Maybe the bonds we build with people, are like attaching a little part of us, on their cloths. Maybe this is how we connect as we grow closer together. Maybe if it's love or commitment, a bigger part of us is tied.

& maybe that's the reason why when people walk out of our lives, a little bit of us is ripped and torn apart.

A Heart Of Gratitude

I just want to say, thank you for giving me so much to remember.

Not Alone

Are there times you feel like the only one? When everyone else feels happy, maybe you feel sad. Or maybe when you're happy, everyone's the opposite. It's like you're always alone.

But hey, let me convey my feelings in a story on how you aren't alone in anything.

**************

A girl silently walked in the busy hallway, hoping to be not noticed or given attention at all as she pulled down the sleeves of her school uniform sub-consciously. Unfortunately, she bumped into a girl who got angry with her. The girl humbly said sorry but the apology was rejected. By this time the opposing girl had recognize the self-conscious girl.

"You're that infamous girl now aren't you?" remarked the girl. "Let's if the rumors were right!" By now, the girl's gang had ganged up against the poor girl and took hold of her. The girl roughly pulled up her sleeves to reveal scars and cuts all over. "Hah!" said the girl in satisfaction. "They were right! You are are such an attention seeker!" "Trying to gain pity!" accused another. "Cutter!" said someone else.

There was a lot more name calling, causing a great commotion when someone cut the whole atmosphere right through with just his presence. "It's him!" hushed someone in the crowd. "I wonder is he going to say?" said another in a low tone. "Everyone respects his opinion." The boy slowly walked forward, everyone sub-consciously pulling aside, making him and the girl the center of attention.

The boy first looked at the scared girl, and then at the crowd around him. Making sure everyone could see him, slowly but surely as he pulled up his sleeves he then revealed. The markings of an ex-cutter.

*************

Yea, you aren't alone in anything.

I remember

For the people who left, a part of me will always wait.

Lean On Me

"I can't handle this alone!" ranted a girl to her friend. "Let your weary heart be at ease," replied her calm friend. " Cause if there's anything wrong I can be your listening ear and a shoulder to lean on." The girl had hugged her friend and said thank you. The friend just laughed it off.

...........

 In times of weakness, we need someone to lean on, that's for sure. But honestly, what if the person you depend and lean on is the one maybe others rely on too? If we all were to depend on this person, who can this person rely on? Under pressure this person may eventually crack, feeling it's their fault when you have not a shoulder to lean on. When it's obviously not their fault.

Cause when times of weakness strikes and they have no one they can truly rely, they break down, bring everyone else leaning on them like a domino crash.

So for the one so trustworthy, I ain't going to say I won't lean on you anymore, but more like, if you would allow it, will you lean on me? :)

Four Walls

They said those who describe in total detail are those who are observant, but maybe they are just those who have nothing else to look or hope for.

. . . .

Whirring sound of the electric fan at speed 3.

An air-con on for a treat.

Silence but the sound of typing on the keyboard.

Things would go through during at atmosphere like this.

. . . .

Hurt.

Torment.

Heartbreak.

Malice.

Betrayal.

Resentment.

Rejection.

Solitary.

. . . .

All the more could go through. All these feelings can make you feel like you'd wanna hurl yourself at the wall, banging on it countless times. Possibly to rip yourself apart. Or maybe you would just stuff it into this steel, cold box and lock it, remembering the burn or dispose the key. Throw in this seemingly deep, dark and murky abyss.

I guess it's alright if you'd wanna contain the uncertain and evil feelings we all possess, one we can't rely or show, only some to utmost extremes. It's still okay to wanna stuff it in the box, considering you'd burst if you keep it in your heart. But never throw the key. You'd regret. 

Cause boxes were meant to be found and opened.

& they said,

Birds of a feather flock together.

I can see how that is applied in human terms :\

Whirlwind.

And in this void of mine lives a vortex that often leaves me perplexed.

In Horrific Dimension

I walk aimlessly around, just watching, taking in silent pleasure in seeing people converse with each other. Some laugh, some break down to tears, but somehow, I've realized in a conversation held by two people, one could be sad yet the other to be with utter joy. Talk about mixed feelings eh?

And somehow after school I walk through a hallway when I suddenly met you. Hey, you seemed quiet, but I thought you look pretty nice. I waved, and you waved back. I started making silly faces and gestures, and you matched up to them well! Soon I was in peals of laughter. And somehow you still never spoke. But I thought that was okay, this is just going to be a different kind of friendship and communication.

And that was the beginning of our silent meetings. Every day after school I would come and meet you. I had lots of fun, but I couldn't tell whether you did too. And occasionally when people pass by us they would stare weirdly. And then I snap back and say back off as we continue. And I was surprised at how alike we looked. And the day came when I finally understood.

You are like a mirror. When I wave you wave back. When I smile you smile too. And when I'm sad so are you. You know what, I think there's something wrong with this. It's super weird. People are always left with mixed feelings after a conversation.

So,

You're just a figment of my imagination. You.do.not.exist.

Who's Afraid

What happens when you lose your original mask that you used to wear all the time?